Sometimes are tuff.

I have been on here 2 times and decided not to post. Not sure why. Just figuring nothing exciting going on to talk about. Times feel tuff right now. I hate to say it but money is the base for my constant stress...which I am sure there are many that are the same way. There's never enough. Jesse is working as much as he can, and I am working what I can. I am trying to stay busy and positive because sometimes things are just not in the best position, but it always ends up working out.

Been feeling a little depressed this last week over the whole "baby" thing. Thought about looking into making an appointment at the fertility clinic at the U, but decided that we aren't really ready, financially or even emotionally. So we will wait a few more months and see where we are and than think about it again. I say we, but I mean me. I am the one who thinks about it, and decide on my own whether to call the Dr or not.  Its kinda sad, because we never really talk about it between Jesse and I. Its a topic that we just kind of avoid. Wow, like when I think about it...what married couple does not talk about children?? I think it is our way of maybe avoiding the disappointment and hurt that comes along with not being able to produce a child. I think part of me honestly feels that there will never be children. We are not fortunate enough to be able to have children on our own, so this forces us to have to come up with the finances to have children through fertility treatments, which is soooo expensive.

I am struggling trying to decide if I am going to go back to school in the Fall. I was hoping to be working full time and than I would just take a year off, but I am not working full time, so not sure what to do on that. I sadly know that when I work and go to school, my school work suffers.

I am sure thankful for the other positive things in my life, such as a great husband who loves me, provides for me, and is my best friend. I am also thankful for the jobs that we do have. So I try not to forget these things in the process of my emotional struggling.

And there's always one day that is cloudy, cold, and even a little bitter...but, shortly after is a bright, warm, sunny day that will make you forget about the storm. So I will just sit back and ride out the storm and wait for my sunshine.

Until next time. Fa! Adios! Goodbye!